A Fresh Start (it is sad not to care)

Do you ever come to that sad realization when you are separated from people – the realization that people you thought you cared about, thought you understand – you now feel nothing for? It isn’t the best feeling. In fact, it is hard to categorize whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. One the one hand, it is horrible because you now have that confusing and gaping hole in your life where your apparent “care” for that person used to be. But on the other hand, it is almost freeing. You get to now understand how you feel without being forced to like them. You no longer have to pretend to others and yourself as well.

I have recently had to deal with this. I was at college, and the semester is now over. It is summer break. I had a lot of friends. I knew a lot of people. I had a lot of people that I considered very close. But now it is strange to see how, once these people are out of my life, how many of them fade from my thoughts. A friend I at one point in my life held very dear now seems to not hold so much meaning. People I spent time with every single day evaporate from my conscience. And I just can’t seem to care. It shows you who your true friends are – because out of all of those people there are only a couple to which I give any thought. The rest have faded.

Another funny part is the quiet resentment I feel for some of the people that took up so much of my time, only to take more in return. They took time I could have spent finding people worth my concern, they took emotional power to go and do what I wanted, and they took happiness. They were leeches. Steer clear of leeches. Oftentimes it is so obvious when we are dealing with them, but for some sad reason we tell ourselves of how great they are. Why do people so often fall for those who mean them no good? Why do couples get back together that obviously were not a good fit? It’s because these people don’t realize the obvious – that these people were leeches in their lives and did no good for them. So next time you hang out with a friend, take some time afterwards to see how you feel. Do you feel better? Are you a better person for having been with them? Or have they been bringing you down? Don’t let some fool bring you down. Screw them. They’re not worth it. You can’t help a loser. So don’t deal with them.

I find that we oftentimes take part in greatly confusing ourselves. We want to have great meaning in our lives. We want great friendships with those around us, friendships that will last through the ages. And through this search for meaning we often latch on to the smallest and most insulting mimicry of a friendship – of a relationship that must mean something – when in reality it doesn’t.  Be careful. Don’t let yourself fool yourself in search of some higher meaning. You will know when this higher meaning comes, but you cannot honestly create this in you mind. This will only hurt you.

The good friends are the ones that last. They are the ones that you keep thinking about after you have been separated – the ones you keep caring about after you are apart. They are the ones that make you smile when you think about them. They should only bring good thoughts into your life. Seek these people out, and try and be one as well. Because right now I am thinking back, and am finding it very sad to say that I am glad to be done. I wish I could care – but I don’t. But I am also finding it very freeing that I can now have a fresh start. I don’t have to ever talk to these people again that don’t make me feel well. They aren’t worth my time. They don’t make me feel well. So I am making the choice to be done with them. And it is totally empowering to be able to make this choice and move on – to move on to newer and better things in life. So for this I am very thankful.

Until next time,

Jackson

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One Response to A Fresh Start (it is sad not to care)

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